The Denver Plan

Hill, Bill, news for you. YOU LOST! It happened a long time ago, and as much work as you put into your attempts to usurp this convention, it ain't gonna happen! Why do you think Obama is relaxing in Hawaii, wearing shorts, drinking a mojito, and enjoying the scenery? Because he knows he's got it in the bag, and no doubt is getting great pleasure from watching you two struggle around pointlessly, preparing for your own inauguration, only to show up in two weeks at his.

As for this week's theory of legitimacy, its no better than any of the rest. No matter how you spin it, even if Edwards had brought his mistress to a town hall meeting with him by accident one day, there's no way you would have won. In fact, you would have lost more quickly. John Edwards' supporters got it. The main bulk of your support base were blue collar, and for the most part ignorant. There was also that portion who get it, but care moreso about their own interests, which you happen to have in your back pocket. While Edwards supporters may not have gotten it about his personal life, it takes a lot of research and faith in your candidate to choose the underdog with two huge names and revolutionary candidacies to compete with. That, in a nutshell, is a John Edwards voter, and, let's face it, those voters just aren't likely to deal with your kitchen sink strategy.

You lost, Hill, and by no fault but your own. You had a great platform, in many areas superior to others, but this picture was marred by numerous and repeated hits below the belt. No one wants to see that, especially not from a lady. You are unquestionably the most powerful woman in America, but you didn't even get the women's vote resoundingly, and there was no support from the feminist community. You have to win your own demographic, Hill, and you couldn't do that. Don't blame anyone else. Get over it. Now shape up your act, and there's likely a nice cushy position for you in Obama's cabinet. Keep this up, and you may as well just start writing speeches and touring like Bill, because Washington's done for you. Now go to the convention, patt Obama on the ass, wish him luck, and sit back down next to Chelsea. I bring her up a lot, because I think you forget your responsibilities to her. I realize she's a grown woman, but you need to continue being the great role model you were for her before. That should guide all of your actions in all of your life.

One more note, on Jerome Corsi's swift boat book which was just released, Obama Nation. The book portrays Obama "as a stealth radical liberal who has tried to cover up 'extensive connections to Islam' and questioning whether his admitted experimentation with drugs in high school and college ever ceased." First of all, I love how the first slam that hits every Democrat is that they're 'too liberal,' a phrase seemingly synonymous with radical. Obama is pretty far from that, and pretty close to the center (although slightly farther left than he was at the beginning of his campaign); nowhere near radical. That's for sure, but I guess it has to be said, just like the "he'll raise your taxes" threat must always be thrown onto the table. Aside from that, Obama is a Christian, but WHO THE FUCK CARES IF HE'S MUSLIM!?!?! I know the incredibly sad answer to that question, but are we not a nation that was founded on religious tolerance? I could rant on this topic for hours, but I'll just close by saying that the fact that calling someone a Muslim is apparently a socially acceptable slur, even in Washington, is disgusting to no end. Finally- the drug references. He admitted to doing drugs. In the past. At least attack him for something he's done wrong in recent history, maybe even pointing out flaws in his POLICY would be nice, but if you find no material there, sure, why not bring up an inconsequential past? You're Republican swiftboaters, so nothing is off of the table. You and Hillary can team up, it may take more than one person to throw that massive, likely marble kitchen sink of hers at Obama, but with Rush and Hillary's powers combined, no one knows what may be in store.